This is not really a memory but if you were here, it would have been. I took my ACT today. I was sitting in class, my stomach growling and needing to cough so bad. You know in class, its sooo quiet you can hear a pin drop, or someone's stomach growling. Well, I got your message, just not till I got home from taking the test. Thanks for that Rose, I know it would have truly come right out of your mouth, had you been here, because you have been in that position, probably the same classroom taking the same SAT before. I was sitting there taking my first test. It was the writing test. It went great. The highest score possible is 52. I scored a 46. It says EXCELLENT! So, it was pretty easy. On the next test, I scored a 41. Not bad either. But when I got to the math part, I thought Oh man!! I dont know this stuff. I wondered how you did in math. Then I prayed. And it occured to me that I thought of you before I even thought to pray. It was like you was saying, hey, I know what your going through here, math isnt very fun!! And I laughed to myself and took the test. And FAILED!!!!! I scored a 31. I have to take Fundamentals of Math. John says that it isnt a bad thing but I wondered if you would have laughed at me for doing so bad in math. Anyway, there were a few women in class taking the ACT to go to nursing school and they went on and on about it. And of course I told them that my brother in law was going to school and about to graduate for that.

My memory for today is the day of Jason and Roses wedding, How Kyle spent the night with us the night before and I got him and Marissa dressed for their duties LOL, They were the cutest ringbearer and flowergirl you could ever ask for. I was so glad to be included in that special day..I will never forget it.

Jason, John was helping me the other day with some math for school, and man was it HARD!!! We just couldnt figure it out. But one thing we did figure out, if you were just a phone call away, we would have gotten all the answers we needed because you were like a walking dictionary or something, you were so smart. Everytime we had those tough questions, we thought of you, and still do. We sure do miss you. I told John, man it would be nice if Jason could have helped me with this. Its going to be so hard in school especially since I cant just call you up and get all the answers. We love you Jason.

Jason, how do we help the ones going through this tragedy to deal with it? You always did have all the answers right? Thats what everyone says. "I dont know, call Jason." or "I dont know just ask Jason" or "Jason will probably know". So, what do we do. People are dealing with it different. I guess in their own way. Some are crying alot. Some are having nightmares and some are just mad. At everyone and everything.  John asked me to create this website to give something back to you like you have so often done for him. This site is from your brother and he loves you more than anyone will possibly ever know.

Jason, I know this isnt a memory but where else will I put it. John and I took your mom and dad to Marissa's band concert tonight. It was so beautiful to hear all that music. I know she played for you. She did so good. And Christie was really nice too. Marissa was glad to see us all there. The kids just love her. Colton kept asking for her, where's rissa? where's Rissa? It was sweet. She is a beautiful girl. And really sweet. Jason, I think that having her was one of the best things you ever did. You left behind someone so beautiful and smart. She's the sweetest girl. I know she was missing you tonight. Christie took pictures with us all together. It was a good night. Well, thats all I have tonight. Just thought I would share this with you. Im doing alot of this, until John is ready to write more. Its really hard for him. One day soon, Im sure your mom and maybe your dad will be ready to write too. Your dad is going to work tonight. The first time in over a month. Its hard for him too. He doesnt want to go back. Anyway, write more later. Miss you from all of us.

Jason, I had to write an essay for a $10,000 scholarship today, so here it is. It is called                               I THINK OF YOU

 

             Sometimes late a night, We lie in bed and think of you.

              During the busy days we wonder if this is all true.

                 We know your gone from this time and place.

                      How we long again to see your face.

                      We will meet again one day soon.

            So until then, We lay here talking to the stars and moon.

                  People take for granted the life they live.

           But you never did, we knew by the love you would give.

                 With that crooked smile how we miss you so.

                Where you are now, one day soon, we all will go.

                     Wait for us in heaven, save us a place.

                           We long to feel your embrace.

 

Today has not been easy... one of the last memories I have is from Marissas Christams Band concert, how you looked at her....oh I wish I could see you look at her that way again...No man will ever be able to duplicate the love you had for your children, only a daddys heart can love like that. Tonight is Marissas spring concert and I am torn apart at the thought that this will be the first big event you will have missed, I ask the Lord to help us all to go through these times, for there are so many to come and you are missed more than you could have ever imagined, I dread going because it makes it real, and how I wish I would just wake up and you were here to pick her up again, I will continue to raise her up in the Lord Jason , I promise that I will never let a Birthday or Christmas go by without getting her a present from her daddy, We loved you so much and always will, My Brother in Christ, My Dearest friend, and the Best daddy ever given to a child...Jason Murray

Hey Remember the night you came up with the kids. Your mom wanted us to move the couch out and bring another one in. Man, it sure was heavy!! You and John moved it a little but most of the moving was you and me. I think it was just too heavy for John to do lol. We got stuck in the kitchen. With all the plants and everything in there. It was crazy. That was the heaviest couch ever!!!!!!!! You guys were so aggrivated and I wondered what the big deal was till you started telling me that the whole couch moving thing was getting old. That you had been moving couches for her forever. It was just funny. You two were like, MOTHER NO MORE COUCHES OK, NO MORE COUCHES!!!!! Thats when John took this picture of you. I made him take my camera over and get a picture of you. So, here it is.

Jason, I wanted to write this memory because Clarissa told me I should put this picture in here, and I think it is a good idea. So, my memory today was Thanksgiving at Jeannies. Everyone was there, including Aunt Vicki even though we all thought she had to work. It was a nice surprise. Bobby and Clarissa and Jaden had come in and Nathan was even there. So here we all were together, and noone was fighting for a change. It was great. We all said what we were thankful for and had a great time. It was nice out and most of us ate dinner outside which is when this picture was taken. I was looking on my old computer last night and forgot I even had the pictures on there. It was nice to look at them and remember. We didnt see you much after Thanksgiving until Christmas, and that was only a short visit. We wish we could have spent more time with you. We think about you often.

My Cousin

People never knew just how much he meant to me and you They knew him by name, but it's still not the same His eyes so bright, his smile so wide We always let him know we were right there by his side Now he's gone from me and you Now we have no reason to be blue We loved him, he loved us And we have to try not to fuss He said goodbye and gave you a kiss Now all we can do is reminis Why does God take the best to love Up to that great big world up above? His memory will never leave His kind and gentle smile will always be seen Never forget him, never let him leave your mind Tell him you love him, just one more time.

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU JASON!!!

I have had so many good memories the last few weeks, I cannot go through a single hour without one and of this I am thankful. Jason always loved his family, I remember how he took me home to meet them on our first date, and how proud he was of all of you.  I became Jasons sister in Christ in 1997 and our bond was a strong one, Not only were we parents to Marissa but we became the friends we always were again, He just wanted to make sure I was happy and if I needed prayer I knew I could just pick up that phone and there he would be. Jason I can honestly say was a peacemaker, and the Bible says they are Blessed, If anyone here didnt deserve mercy or forgivness from him it is me, and he freely gave it, I know that for that my life has changed forever because of his goodness. Let us all try to find it in our hearts to see only the good in people as Jason did, I remember thinking that he was blinded to anything he didnt want to see  in people and this morning I realized that he just simply chose only to see the good, Lord let me choose to be as Jason was, his love was unconditional, true and solid..I want to live the rest of my time here loving like that.

Hey Jason, here's a memory I cant forget. John and I lived in Success and I had just had Camryn. It was easter time. You guys came down and Aunt Jill was there and even Aunt Ruthie. Jim and Enga had come over. Danny Morgan was there and stayed the night. Im not sure that it was easter, just around that time. After everyone left, we all started drinking, even you. We decided to play scategories. We all had a great time playing and you thought it was funny that I would drink the mixed drinks you kept making, so of course, you kept making it. We played half the night and by the time we were all finished with the games, it was sure time to go to bed because half of us couldnt walk. We laughed and had such a great time. Seems like you brought out the best in people.  Wow, the memories are just coming this morning. Remember the Cardinal game you and John went to. You called on your way home and I told John over the phone he was gonna be a daddy for the first time. He was excited and said you was grinning from ear to ear. Oh and remember our wedding. You was the best man and pretended to have lost the ring. And afterwards we went back to your house and you and John drank some wine. He got a little tipsy on wine but I couldnt drink because I was pregnant. Do you remember the scrabble games? and how about the times at church here in fisk. You was always the one with the most kids and we all joked that we were catching up with you. So many memories and although not all of them are joyous, they are yet memories of you. So here's a few for you. John is smiling some now and even cracks a joke or two ever now and then but you are never far from his mind. He still talks about "if only's" a little bit. We miss you Jason.

 

Oh where to begin...the memories go so deep and so many are just priceless!

The first time I saw his face at Long John Silvers...the little grin he would give me when I asked him to cook up more shrimp LOL and the look of pride in his eyes everytime he held Marissa, there are just so many that run through my head daily.

I will never forget Marissas first Christmas and the way he kissed her little forhead and showed her to the camera , and how that same camera followed us both around the house for months after...taping every minute that he could.  We were only married a year but the 3 years dating beforehand and his friendship I had till the day he left here will always be some of the dearest memories in my life...the day Marissa asked Jesus in her heart and the conversations we would have about heaven and how that just knowing she was ready to go made us feel better, and how we said if we died today that we had nothing to worry about just knowing she would be there too, Those conversations keep me going and just watching sissy rissa  grow make getting up in the morning bearable just knowing that he will be one of the first faces she sees when her time comes, that is a true testimony of love.

I remember one time when i was about 4 or 5 years old. We lived in a town called north pekin for those of you that know where that is. My brother Jason told dad that i had said a bad word. I dont remember saying the bad word first but i do remember that i had said it, but i also remember that jason had said it too. Now jason being older and wiser lol, he wasnt about to tell on himself so i was the only one that got into trouble that day. he told me if i told on him that he would tell on our sister jeannie for saying the bad word and i would have to live with the guilt of getting her in trouble too. So i didnt tell on him. i guess that if i would have been a little smarter i would have realized it at the time that our sister jeannie was at aunt virginias at the time and wasnt even home. So there was no way she could have even said the bad word.

I remember the first time I met Jason. It was the first time John had brought me "home" to meet the family. I had taken John home from work. We walked in the trailer and John headed straight for his bedroom and left me in the living room with Jason. Jason and Kyle were the only ones home. Kyle immediately started playing with Raven and Jason was sitting at his computer talking to his dad on the internet. He had on a pair of jeans, no shirt and his hair was all messed up. He had just gotten out of bed. I thought that was funny, since it was 4:00 in the afternoon. He had his dad on microphone, and I heard him trying to whisper "John Brian's got a chic here". His dad said "what?"  He again tried to whisper "John Brian's got a chic here." "And she has a baby" I just started laughing and said, "I can hear you". He said "Oh "Whats your name?" I said "Brenda, and this is Raven." He said "Well hello Brenda, Raven looks just like you." Then he got up, put his face right next to Kyle and said, "Does he look like me?" I said "Umm, I dont know, I cant tell". Just then John came in and said "They dont have the same blood running through them, but they might as well have." Jason said"We look alike, I dont care what anyone says." And that is how I came to know Jason! That was a good day. I got the priveledge of meeting the famous brother Jason that John had been talking about ever since I met him.

One of my fondest memories of Jason: Many years ago, John and I were picking and grinin' and JB, about 1 year old, came up to me and slapped me on the knee, and said " BLABLABLABLA" I asked him what he was saying and he repeated "BLABLABLABLA" I asked John what he was saying, and he said again " BLABLABLABLA" John asked Jason what JB was saying, and he (Jason) listened intently as JB said "BLABLABLABLA"  Jason looked at John and said, " He said, " BLABLABLABLABLA"  We never did know what he wanted, but we sure laughed a lot. 

Last night, John and his parents and I were looking at pictures taken on the canoe trip they took a few years back when I decided it was time to make another memory for John. Its so hard for him to do this, I feel I need to do it for him. It makes him feel good to be able to get on here and read some good memories of his brother. His best friend. So, heres a few for them. I remember when I first took John from his brothers house. I remember the day he moved out. Everyone in the house was upset or crying. Jason gave me this big spill about how Kyle needed some stability since he was the one upset the most it seemed. Kyle needed John there since he had been there for so long. Well, it turns out, Jason was the one that really didnt want John to move out. He had been the one to protect John. He knew where John was and that he was ok. And it was scary to see his little brother move out on his own. It was very hard for the both of them. They felt like they were losing each other. John cried that night b/c he missed Jason already and we had an arguement about it, which I won. John stayed with me. But for the first few weeks I had to take him to see Jason or he had to call Jason or something because he felt like he needed to check in so Jason would know he was ok. That was when I realized how close they were and how much they needed each other. It was crazy!! John would even to this day if he could, call his brother and just make sure he was doing ok. He always talked about Jason and how they were growing up. He always tells me stories about them sharing a room together and he says you dont grow up in the same room with someone your whole life and not know them. There's also the memory of the Thanksgiving when Jason came to Springfield to spend the holiday with his mom and dad and us. I was just about to have Colton. Jason says he was going to go to Bobby and Clarissa's but he needed to study. That was funny because he didnt get much studying done. We had just about everything going wrong. John was, as usual, in one of his moods, and needed Jason to calm him down. I was so thankful he was there. He kept telling Colton, Boy you need to come on out of there. So I can see you before I have to go back home. Well, no baby came till after he left but we had a good thanksgiving with John, Donna, Aunt Ruthie, Jeannie and Walter, Jason, John and the kids! And for once they didnt either one want to go to the Bass Pro Shop!!!!!!

ill never forget the first time i saw Jason, Jeanie , and John Bryan, it was at grannys on the south side. when uncle john and aunt donna moved down here from pekin the three of them was so small back then. we all have had fun times like the time we all built the snow man (Brrrr) at uncle johns house. i really do appreciate that jason took the time to listen to my troubles when my marriage ended seems like we both were going through the same thing at that time and both needed to just talk about it. and we both got through it all ok with the good lords help. jason has always carried himself in a honorable manner that made you proud that he was part of our family he was in many ways so much like uncle john and aunt donna. gonna miss you jason............Fate Murray

Jason, I try to write often, to share memories and to feel closer to you since youve been gone. Im going to go ahead and share my most fondest memory of you. Thats the night you came up to go to the auction.  Was it coincidence or just God helping when you got here and I was the only one here that night? Im not sure but I thank God now for giving us that very night b/c every friend needs to spend time together, whether people like it or not. It was really nothing more than sharing a plate of nachos and making fun of Robert all night but to us it was more than that. It was connecting with a family member that you care about. We talked alot that night. And noone needed to know who was there, they just need to know that you and I were friends and I know you loved me just as much as I did you. So, to my brother in law, I should just call you brother. I will always remember how much we laughed and joked and talked that night. I love you Jason!!! Forever in our hearts!!!!

We all have our memories of Jason that keep him close to our hearts. I have a few but the one that makes me laugh is the time that we decided to come to Fisk for church one Sunday morning. We all piled into the suburban. We, meaning Jason, John Brian, TJ, Rose, the kids and myself. Well, off we headed to Fisk for church. We were just about there, out on the new highway when all of a sudden Jason pulls the suburban over and we all look out the window at the broken fan on the side of the road. Not knowing what he was doing, we just looked at him. Jason starts laughing and says "Hey TJ, since this is your first trip with us, how bout u get out and get us that fan?" TJ, not wanting to say no to Jason, gets out and grabs the fan that is just lying there in like 3 pieces. We all had a good laugh and made fun of Jason for awhile but I guess the joke was on us, b/c Jason took that fan home and put it together and used it for the next few years!!! It wasnt that he really needed a new fan but If its free, why the hell NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I remember one time Jason, His brother John and myself were on our way to Southern Illinois. Jason wanted to get there before dark so he was rushing me and john around pretty good. Well knowing how easy jason is to aggrivate we kept on finding every reason under the sun to stop. On about the 5th time stopping between fisk and cairo. jason was pretty upset. When me and john got back in the car jason says just as serious as he can "We aint stoppin and a pissin no more" We sat there for a minute not knowing what to say. I just started laughing and john started laughing. By this time Jason was really mad. And then it happened, we were right about marion and Jason says well boys looks like im gonna eat my words. I have to go to the bathroom. So then we let him have it.  As time went by, when i would talk to jason never not one time did the conversation end that one of us didnt say We aint a stoppin and a pissin no more and we have a good laugh about it.

Where do i begin? I have so many wonderful memories of my brother that it is so hard to pick one, but i will give it a shot. The main thing that i can remember is how jason always looked out for me and tried to keep me safe. He always tried to protect me from myself. I guess that was just in his nature. As anyone that knows jason can say he has a heart of gold. I guess that the best memory that i have is the last time i talked to jason. It was the monday before the accident. He was kind of feeling down because he didnt have a lot of time to spend with the family. and i told him how proud of him i was and that i loved him and after he graduated this summer we would hook it up and gave a great summer. I dont know for sure if it helped him out or not but i think it did. It made me feel good that i could for once be there for him when he had a problem. Had i know that would be the last time i talked to him. I would have said a whole lot more, but i think he went to heaven with the knowledge that i am so proud of him and that i love him so much. I miss my big brother more than anyone can imagine but we all have our memories of jason as a friend. And no wreckless driver can ever take that away from us. I love my brother jason and i know that god has him a bass boat lined in gold in heaven.

                                                                    Love you, John Brian

P.S. "He sure had a lot of friends didnt he daddy"

Jason, I will never forget the fun time everyone had when you started the ball rolling by laughing at me for having no teeth, when your dad had promised not to laugh! You were all of 5 years old(maybe):-)))  Love and miss you, Uncle Jim